THY EYES…
February 5th, 2024, 5:01 AM
Today, I woke up at 5:01 a.m. and was torn between wanting to check my birthday messages or praying. While lying in bed, I felt an instant need to submit to prayer. I started questioning whether I should continue to lie down on the bed to pray or show reverence by kneeling on my knees. At least, I have learned in the church that kneeling shows reverence.
In the dark room, I picked up a piece of clothing and laid it in front of my bed to protect my knees, then kneeled to pray. I felt an instant urge to cry, and as I prayed, I felt a sense of peace and gratitude that I had never felt before. However, my prayer was disrupted by my urge to urinate, and I had to rush to the bathroom. After returning to my room, I needed to pray again, but this time, I laid on the bed and covered myself with a sheet since I always feel cold. For the first time, I felt that my prayers were different. As a prayer warrior, I had always prayed sincerely, but this morning, I was led to pray with a different heart. I prayed with a “grateful heart,” which was an incredible feeling.
Let me share with you how it felt…
As I began to pray, my mind was immediately transported back to my childhood. I found myself lost in memories, from my baby pictures to moving to different homes, attending school, spending time with my family, and traveling with my friends. My thoughts then wandered to my journey to the States. Despite all the obstacles I faced, I couldn’t help but feel grateful for all the experiences that have brought me to where I am today. During that prayer, I only find myself saying, “THANK YOU,” while enumerating everything I have used to be and have become.
But… That’s not how I usually pray. When I pray, I usually ask for more blessings and guidance for what’s next. However, during my recent prayer session, I repeatedly saw images from my past and childhood. At first, I was unsure why these memories kept popping up, but I embraced them and allowed myself to reconnect with them while praying.
As I continued to pray, I relived those memories vividly, and one particular photo surfaced in my mind. It was my baptism photo from when I was a child.
In my prayer, I remember saying, "Thank you for everything you have given me. Thank you for life. Thank you. The more I said thank you, the more I started noticing more and more photos from my past flashing in front of my eyes. Something about those pictures kept pulling me towards those images in my head. Initially, I tried to push them away and focus on my prayers, but these images seemed to be taking over my thoughts. They were playing rapidly, and I couldn’t keep up with them.
Suddenly, I realized it was ‘MY EYES’. They were trying to communicate something to me. I felt an instant sense of relief, and I stopped praying. Instead, I picked up my phone and went through my iCloud to find the images that I kept seeing in my mind. After a few moments of scrolling, I recognized the four photos—the photo above and the photos below.
I examined my eyes closely and noticed that my eye structure remained wide and open. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of wonder and curiosity as I zoomed in further, exploring the depths of my eyes. It was as if I was looking into a window that revealed my innermost self. As I gazed into my eyes, I began to describe the unique characteristics that define who I am. I used words that depicted my essence, my identity, and the values I hold dear. I reflected on the experiences and challenges that have shaped me and how they have influenced my personality and worldview. But one thing that remained constant throughout this process of self-exploration was that the traits and qualities I described were similar to the ones I exhibited during my childhood. It was as if I had come full circle, back to the core of who I am. This realization gave me a surge of confidence, knowing that, despite the changes and challenges I have faced, the essence of my being has not changed. It was a liberating feeling to realize that, despite the twists and turns of life, the person I am remains the same. I felt a sense of gratitude for the roads I have traveled, the people I have met, and the experiences that have shaped me into who I am today. This self-exploration reminded me that, no matter what happens, I can always rely on the person I am at my core, the person I have always been and always will be.
“WHO I AM “had not changed, but “time, circumstances, and the roads” have changed. Rachelle Antoine
My eyes have spoken to me. It had led to a road of self-affirmation. Now I understand why the images in my head were playing. God, life, and the universe wanted to remind me and solidify my existence, purpose, and being that, despite changing times, experiences are different. My life’s journey and location have changed—my true core, as Rachelle, will always be and has been. When Ecclesiastes said, “Nothing is new under the sun," I’d go further and say, “
I also took the opportunity to look into their eyes. I found myself diving deep into their gaze, and as I did, I began to see the familiar traits and characteristics I had known since I first met them. It was almost as if I was seeing them for the first time, but at the same time, I recognized the same person that I had always known. I realized that my parents and siblings had always been the same and that I should not expect them to change or become someone new. It was a moment of clarity for me as if my eyes were trying to draw my attention to these particular individuals. The photos I had seen of them before suddenly came to life, and I understood why they had always looked the way they did. It was a moment of revelation as if I had discovered a hidden meaning in my family’s eyes that had always been there, but I had never taken the time to see it before.
Through my experiences and self-reflection, I have realized that I am Rachelle. I am a mother who puts her children first, a direct and caring individual who always speaks her mind with honesty and sincerity, a selfless person who constantly looks out for the well-being of others, a thinker who enjoys contemplating the deeper meaning of life, a philosopher who seeks to understand the world around her, a writer who loves to express herself through words, and an empowering individual who inspires others to be their best selves.
What amazed me the most was that the first birthday message I received this morning was from my adopted daughter. She is one of my favorite people in the world, and I believe she embodies many of the same character traits I possess. However, she is her own unique person with her thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and I admire and adore her for who she is.
As a spiritual being, I believe we need confirmation just like a lawyer requires evidence in court. Confirmation helps us know that we are on the right path, that we are loved and supported, and that we are positively impacting the world. This experience with my adopted daughter has been a powerful confirmation for me, and it has strengthened my faith in myself, in others, and the universe as a whole.
In her words,
Happy birthday, Rachelle; my guiding light, mentor, mother, and pillar of strength. You’ve been my rib, the breath when life became suffocating. Your words breathed life into my soul, a balance between gentle and firm. From my earliest memories of being in the church, you’ve been my inspiration. Your daring spirit, your fearless demeanor, and the way you confidently march to the beat of your own drum. Your name, Rachelle, echoes in my heart with unconditional love. Your essence, your warmth, just YOU, is a precious gift that I hold close.
I dream of embodying even a fraction of the extraordinary woman you are today. Even without the accolades, if you were simply Rachelle, I would still admire you. Because to your core you are the embodiment of love. People like you reaffirm my faith in God. Because you are a gift that only he could provide.
I wish I could gift you more than just words today, but in absence of that, I offer you the shared gift we both hold dear — writing. The gift you nurtured.
Rachelle, I think the world of you. Our bond transcends blood and familial ties; instead, we are bound by something much stronger — Love. Thank you for being simply, beautifully you. Have the happiest birthday, my angel.
With love, always and forever
Valcyera, your daughter
"Thank you, Val, for the reminders and confirmation. I love you!”
Here’s what I would like to share from my experience this morning:
1. Practice Gratitude
"The first step to becoming grateful is letting go. At least, that's what I have come to realize over the past month. Letting go is a journey I have embraced since the beginning of the year. This process has allowed me to accept and let go of things I have no control over. As a result, it has created space for me to have a grateful mind and heart. This has then led to discovering more. Although we may say that we are grateful and practice gratitude, from my experience this morning, I believe that "gratitude is a state of being."
2. Your eyes are your guide
The thing that we often overlook is constantly communicating with us. It may sound strange that I am sharing a morning epiphany about my eyes, but trust me, I have discovered something profound today. Your eyes are your guide in life. Without them, you would not be able to see. If your eyes are your guide, they must provide a manual to navigate life.
3. You will always be who you were born to be until you die.
"I believe that our fundamental nature, which we are born with, remains unchanged. However, we must develop and acquire new skills to navigate the constantly evolving world. Rather than denying or suppressing our true nature, we should accept and embrace it while still being aware of social norms and expectations."
4. Don’t expect others to change.
If you are who you are, you must know and respect that others are who they are.
5. Identity
People do not change. They wear masks to display and adapt to this life. Therefore, they are masters of social puppetry. Rachelle Antoine
We are often judged by how we behave in society. It's important to realize that we are survivors of this world and may need to adopt different identities to survive. However, we must never forget to stay true to ourselves. Maintaining the true essence we have possessed since birth is essential. Whenever we feel lost, confused, or lacking clarity, we should find something that reminds us of who we are. A simple childhood photo has worked wonders and brought me back to my essence as an avid thinker.
Family & Environment
Your true essence and being are fundamental to who you are. Still, it’s essential to acknowledge that your family and environment also play a critical role in shaping your social character—take note, I said social character, not being. Your family and environment can have a significant impact on your values, beliefs, and worldview, which can ultimately influence the decisions you make in life.
Therefore, it’s essential to maintain a healthy balance between your family and your environment. While they may see your true core and essence, it’s necessary to recognize that they, too, are going through their motions, which can sometimes intertwine with yours. However, it’s crucial to maintain your identity and not let it get lost.
To achieve this, it’s important to master your family dynamics and environment. This involves understanding the different personalities, attitudes, and behaviors within your family and the various social and cultural factors that shape your environment. By doing so, you can set clear boundaries that help define your identity and maintain that sense of self amidst any external influences.
Mastering your family dynamics and environment is critical to a fruitful social life. It allows you to easily navigate different social situations, build strong relationships, and maintain a sense of authenticity and integrity in all you do.
You must navigate the dynamics of your own family to navigate the social world. But just like everything, there’s always the next chapter in life. Rachelle
It is a fact that people do not change. Instead, they wear masks to navigate life, making them masters of social puppetry. This is a truth that cannot be denied. Rachelle Antoine.
"I am Rachelle—a mother, direct, caring, selfless, guiding light, pillar of strength, thinker, philosopher, writer, and empowering individual. At least, that's what my baby photo reminded me of. These characteristics have opened many social doors for me. As I looked back at the memories of that day, I couldn't help but feel emotional and certain. This experience has taught me the importance of reflecting on the past and appreciating the memories that have shaped us into who we are today. Sometimes, instead of always looking towards the future and wanting more, it's crucial to take a moment to reflect on the past and remember your true nature. This provides strong assurance, which we all strive for in life. It's quite ironic to use the words 'letting go' and 'assurance' simultaneously." In other words, letting go is the state of shedding, and assurance is the state of being. Which one do you want? I’ll leave that writing for another day.
In the words of my two favorite philosophers—the Greek philosopher Socrates and the French philosopher René Descartes.
“I THINK THEREFORE I AM.” Rene Descartes
“KNOW THYSELF.” Socrates
